What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
