So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
