my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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