My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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