Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I could make wine with my vomit
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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