then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
