I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
