I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
