Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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