does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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