My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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