Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
