omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
