There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
