Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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