My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
did you just send me my own nude
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
