you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
