ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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