I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
