Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
