it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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