nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
