She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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