Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
