What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
