im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
