Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
