I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
