Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
