This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
