Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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