mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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