exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
