The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
3 2 1 whiskey
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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