Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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