Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
