I just cut my nipple shaving
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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