Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
