Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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