i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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