He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
