it wasn't lemon gatorade
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
