So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
