I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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