when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
