My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
