found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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