wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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