You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
