That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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