I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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