I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
