just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
