I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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