I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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