So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
