Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
