i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
