On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
