when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
