I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
nutella sex= disaster
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
