I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
