Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
